Now that I am a doctor, this is what I think and feel…

When I pass by a car accident…

on the highway or the interstate, all I can think about is if they needed a Doctor what would I do? Would I stop? How would I know that they needed me? And would I be able to help anyone anyways since I do not even know anything yet?

What if I do not know the answer…

to a question that I obviously should know? How much of a pause is okay before replying with an “I don’t know?”

Do not get yelled at by anyone today…

including Attendings, Residents, Nurses, and whoever else could potentially yell at me.

When I get on an airplane…

sometimes I think about if there was an emergency on the plane, would I feel comfortable enough to handle it? And then I think well maybe I wouldn’t speak up about being a doctor, but what if there was no one else on the whole plane with any medical experience, what would I do then?

People expect me to know things now.

Now when I am asked a question, I am not allowed to not know an answer. As terrible as that sounds, people look up to me and sometimes it is difficult to not know an answer when you are expected to know the answer.

I think about making sure that I do not make a mistake…

so terrible that I take the life of a patient.

I am always hoping that a patient…

does not become super sick in front of me because I am not sure that I would be able to handle it or know enough to take care of that patient.

Even though it is rough…

I hope I do not ever give up.

No matter how much I study and read, I always feel incompetent.

There is not a day that goes by that I do not miss at least one question that an Attending asks. Medicine is about life longing learning and I understand that but sometimes it would be nice to have a day where you get all of the questions right. Will keep you posted until that happens… it may be a long wait though.

All of these thoughts although specific to my life as an Intern apply to your life as a premed student because you have varying degrees of these thoughts as well. Just know that someone else like myself, although at a different stage in my life, experience similar thoughts of self doubt, fear, and anxiety.